BOY OH BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

Well I am sorry~~~ there is so much I want to say on here.

I will tell you guys~~ Have you ever been paralyzed by fear? I so want to get on here and tell you guys all is well and things are great when the reality of it all is ~~ my faith is weak and I struggle. But it is the people pleaser in me that wants to smile and tell you everything is okay and it IS but I struggle.

I can honestly say in my walk with the Lord FAITH is something I have never struggled with. Now trust is another issue, but faith, before this pregnancy I would have crazily told you, "don't worry I will carry you with my faith"~~ I have mountains of it!

But now I have this little life growing inside of me and I want this so badly. ~~~And that reality of it is~~ it is NOT in any of my control. And I would have never guessed I would have struggled with control. So far everything looks really good. I have had an ultrasound every two weeks and my little one is growing! In two weeks they are going to do a more detailed ultrasound and then my doctor says and I quote~~ "We can breathe!"

I have no reason to believe this will not be a healthy pregnancy and baby, yet there are days when I just fear.~~And I can't shake it. On those days I will ask the Lord to just carry me and I am telling you he does. He has NEVER failed me and I am failing him right now by my worry. Maybe I have seen too much of what friends have gone through and I just beg please Lord I can't handle any of that. Maybe I am just hanging on to this so tightly and I need to let go and TRUST.

So guys everything IS really GREAT~~ I think I have to just come to a place of trust right now and believe.

OH and by the way~~ we had an ultrasound this week and we found out this little one is a BOY!!!!!!!!!!!

YES! I know my house will be crazy--THREE BOYS!!!!!! Seriously! CRAZY!!!!!!!!! But I would not want it any other way!!!!!!! :)

A Day at the Zoo with Daddy!

Random Ramblings from a Bad Blogger :)

We are still here! I am sorry I haven't posted in a while~~

Ever since the school year started things have been crazy busy! :) If anyone still reads this we are still having a baby in April! I am crazy, crazy nauseous and that is mainly where I have been! I am going to sound crazy ( and I know I can't stop saying CRAZY!) but it is kinda comforting to feel sick all of the time because I know the baby is still growing :)

Right up until the day that I found out I was pregnant I was running. Working out seems to be the only thing that really, really helps with all the nausea :) I can tell if I miss a day so I have been trying to go to the gym in the mornings. (My doctor approved this I just cannot run.)

The kids seem to like it --Caleb plays basketball and the babies play with all the differant toys. But it is one of those "momma guilt things"--this gym thing is all about me. But I will tell you guys I feel SO much better after I go--I am addicted to exercise like my hubby likes Starbucks! I only go for about fourty minutes and no one is complaining yet so I am trying to rationalize it. ;) HA! (I used to work out at night but Jeff has been traveling so much now it is just not possible. )

I have so much to catch up on--Sophie B-day, summer, homeschool, horseback riding, ballet, ultrasounds, and just life! I going to try to get caught up here really --ha! I know I always say this but really I am! :)

I was talking with a neighbor who had moved a couple of weeks ago and she reminded me it had been forever since I posted pics, so I thought I would post some now. These are all from Sophie's B-day party so a lot of them are of her and I have so much more of these to come :) She had a "Hello Kitty" party and seriously I could just eat her up she is just so cute with her hello kitty :)

Holly if you read this THANK YOU so much for your comments and your encouragement (((HUGS))))) to you and Gia and Nino --I miss you guys!

And anyone else reading thank you for reading I am not the best blogger here and I know I don't post that much but I will keep trying!


See what I mean she is just delicious!!!! :)

Levi--such a sweetie :) --This is typical of Levi eating in his chair :)

The ever anticipated WATERSLIDE!!!!!!

one more of my handsome little Levi :)

She is just as sweet inside and out as she looks! :)

I put this on here because it is the only pic I have of kinda me and Soph on her B-day! Birthday parties are crazy around here and I was running around like CRAZY! (and I am sorry I am crazy because I seriously cannot stop saying CRAZY tonight:)

The morning of Miss Sophie's party I was stressing~~~ I had a cute skirt picked out but it was not fitting at all--(ahem I was bloated)! I thought maybe I had a cyst or maybe that monthly visitor is going to come ~~~~ being pregnant never crossed my mind! ~~~

Pretty pretty girl on her birthday!

Here is my sweet Caleb and I can tell you he is dying to blow out those candles but waiting ever so patiently for Sophie to do it! ;)

Okay I am completely all over the place but --

I will try to post more this weekend I have so many CRAZY thoughts right now that I want to blog I just have not stopped to sit down and try to post I am going to try to be better about posting--- GOD is doing so much in my life right now and I really want to document it--

okay so sorry to talk all about me --how are you guys doing?

Humbled and A Heartbeat

I have struggled with writing this post. You see I am a picture poster on my blog it is how I format my blog --I post pictures . Writing-- while I love to write, I am not a good writer. Half the time I use no punctuation and my words are spelled wrong, and you guys are reading through all of my dashes! --See what I mean?! :)

I also in no way want to anyone feel uncomfortable or make them think I am trying to preach. Please don't think that --it is just that my faith is who I am and I have come to a place in my life where I really want to document all that God is doing right now.

I am going to try to do this justice but I know I won't. I hope God can just speak through my words on here like he has to my heart. And if you don't believe in God thats okay please keep reading if you want. One of my very best friends is Jewish and I keep telling her Jesus loves her, she doesn't believe me-- but that is okay she still loves me for who I am and I adore her. :)

Okay here we go--

I have a friend and well lets just call her M. (M is not my Jewish friend mentioned above, M is my neighbor) M has walked a very tough road in the past couple of years. M was the mother of two very beautiful girls when she tried to have a third child. She got pregnant and miscarried several times. She finally got pregnant and made it passed the first trimester. Then she gave birth to a twenty week old beautiful baby girl whom she held in her hands as she took her last breaths.

Heartwrenching. There were times I thought I could physically feel her pain. The loss, the ache, the pain, the wanting so badly things to be differant. Broken. Just broken.

About a year and half M got pregnant again. And nine months later she delivered a beautiful, healthy baby BOY! :) He is doing so well and LOVES to tease his sisters!

This summer M and I were outside talking as the kids were playing, and I could not help but notice M was glowing! No she was not pregnant again, but she was just glowing! :) Well you see M had an amazing tan, a cute new haircut, and yes some adorable clothes from the Gap! But it was more than that she was just glowing! I believed in my heart God had restored her. :)

That night after the kids were in bed I was thinking, praying ,walking around the house picking toys up and just thinking while I had some alone time :) My thoughts began to race and I started to pray~~

Dear Jesus --Can you restore and redeem me like you did M? And just like that I was flooded with tears. Pain of miscarriages, emptiness-- only the hurts that I had pushed down so far and only my Jesus knew and understood.

(I am so hesistant to write about any of my pain because of Sophie and Levi. I would go through all of that craziness a million times if it meant they were at the end of my struggle to have a family. Biology means nothing to us-- we just wanted a family. And God brought the perfect children in our lives. I cannot even fathom life without them. I am so honored and humbled to be their mother. )


I don't know if you guys have seasons of life where you seem to struggle more than others but this past season has been a struggle for me. (Nothing of which has anything to do with my marriage or my children--they are the light of my life : )

I had come to a place where I asked Jesus to redeem me but I just had no idea of what he had in store. Or that he had heard my heart and my prayer. I am not really even sure I knew what redemption meant when I was praying it ;) I do now-- but that is another post!

The night that I found out I pregnant I was literally speechless. I remember being so out of breath all night. I felt so incredibly HUMBLED by our Lord Jesus Christ that he would reach down and answer my prayer and in the way that he did.

Please forgive me if I butcher this Bible story but there is a story about Moses seeing the light of God. It was so bright he had to hold his head down because our God is so radiant, so holy, and so so beautiful. I felt that way that night--- I felt like I wanted to bow my head all night I could hardly believe what he had just blessed me with.

This week Jeff and I saw our little peanut and a heartbeat. Tears of JOY poured down our faces as we watched the ultrasound screen. I still am in awe of this miracle he has blessed me with. My doctor is going to keep a close eye on this little one because of my history. She is going to do an ultrasound every two weeks for a while.

I want to leave you guys with this --if you are in a season of struggle with anything in your life give it to him--he knows your heart in ways no one else does--- just try it --I bet you will be amazed at what he will do in your heart and in your life.

"Draw near to God and He will draw nearer to You"
James 4:8

MISS SOPHIE AND HER SUNSCREEN!

I have so much to post about and I really need to catch up but I have to put this on here before I forget! :)


While I was putting Levi down for his afternoon nappie, MISS SOPHIE decided to lather herself up with sour cream and tell me she was pretending it was sunscreen! HA! Scheesh! Someone should really be watching these children! ;)

(I almost ran for the camera --but seriously she was standing ther dripping all over the floor so I opted to clean her up instead! :)

Thank you Carolyn for your comment--you are really sweet --I will try to post tonight or tommorrow.

I am still pregnant but still cramping such sharp pain in the mornings, it always shakes me up a little but I am trying so hard not to worry. I also have a cyst on my left ovary I am not sure if that is what is causing the cramping or not. ( So sorry if that was too much info!) I go in next Wednesday for an ultrasound and I think I feel much better then :)

We are still here! -- I am just trying to take advantage of these few pool and zoo days!

We are sad to see summer go :(

I am still pregnant!!!!!!--And PRAYING!!!!


I have started at least three posts and then got interupted and never finished them :) I have so much catching up to do on here --I am going to try to do it this weekend :)

I hope you guys are having a GREAT Friday!!!!!! :)

TRUST

Well my levels have doubled! There is a baby growing in me! Guessing at the amount of Hcg in me it is still pretty early--maybe five or six weeks.

I am so excited, however (pregnancy is never easy with me:) I have cramped all weekend. I have only cramped nothing else is going on if you know what I mean. :)

The cramping was kinda crazy yesterday so I ended up going to the ER. I have a history of miscarriages and I just got really scared. They did an ultrasound and I saw my little peanut, but there was no heartbeat. They said it was still too early to see one and reassured me everything was fine.

As I was driving home half relieved half wondering about the heartbeat I just decided I can't worry anymore. I have to let go of this and give it to God and just TRUST him. It will be okay if it does not go the way I really want it to. This is all so much easier to type then to do in my heart :) But I know I really have no control over this and I just have to trust him to carry me through this.

As for the cramps I am not sure why or where they are coming from or if they are "normal." I have my suspicion that it is a side effect to my thyroid medication being so high right now.

The brand that I am on tends to give me a lot of cramping normally and I have very bad cycles on it. I can switch to another brand that does not give me the cramping (when I was on this brand I never got pregnant) but I am trying not to have anymore changes with my body. My husband thinks I should stay on this one because it has brought me this far. My doctor says it is my choice. I so wish this was not up me. This I can control and what if I make the wrong decision? Any advice is very welcomed!!! :)

Thank you you guys--I am so so so grateful to God for this little miracle baby right now ~~~ I just know I have a long long way to go and I just have to trust he knows best